What's even stranger is that I can almost say that I have been enjoying being hungry more than I have enjoyed eating (ALMOST). What was once discomfort is becoming a source of strength. In my hunger, I used to pray that God would help not to grumble and just get me through to my next meal. More and more, the prayer is simply gratitude and awareness of the mysterious relationship that I have with Him. Weird, I know.
I really can't quite explain it, but today it's like I have been desiring hunger (and by extension, God) more than I have been desiring food. Am I a glutton for punishment (no pun intended)? I guess it's something akin to hearing a worship song that really "speaks" to you and helps you connect with the Lord, and then playing it over and and over again to relive that same experience. This hunger is playing out the same, yet altogether different way for me.
Speaking of music, the church service this morning was especially powerful for me. Try fasting and singing praise sometime, and you'll know what I mean. The words of the song take on a new, deeper meaning and really do serve to fill you up. For example....
"Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O ruler of all."
This is all well and good, but how does it connect with me identifying with the poor and “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"? Well, it seems, everything. I can honestly say I am having a LOT of Kingdom glimpses, even in my very small experiment of what it would be like to be truly hungry and seeking God in that hunger. I am discovering that if I ever were destitute, I literally could not make it without God, I literally COULD make it with Him.
If I think about it, that statement is just as true for me in my state of relative middle-class riches.
I literally cannot make it without God. I literally CAN make it with Him.
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