My first experiment is a sort of a mini-fast. I'm going to fast from lunch and between-meal snacking for the week (i.e. I only eat breakfast and dinner). Started last night after Bible study. I've fasted before, but every time I've done it, I seem to learn something new. I'm not that far into this one, and already I've learned a few things:
- Even just yesterday evening (mere hours after I had begun) I was finding the anticipation of being hungry was almost as worrisome and uncomfortable as being hungry in and of itself. I wasn't even that hungry yet, but was being worried about when I would be! Already I can see the psychological grip that food must have on me.
- Breakfast this morning was a couple fried egg whites and toast. Traci (God bless her) has been fixing me breakfast as of late, along with Pierson's. I must confess (don't be mad, Traci!) that this morning when she brought me the plate, there was a small voice inside of me that said "that's it? I'm about to start my fast -- I've got to have a BIG meal to get me through the day!" How selfish. This is one of those feelings of entitlement I was talking about last night that must be buried in my subconscious. Fortunately, a half-second later I was convicted, turned this into a prayer, and tried to take the high-road of thankfulness instead. How blessed to even have food to eat, especially high-protein and high-fiber and filling -- again, something that homeless folks may not have a choice in.
- Another weird sensation was knowing that this would be my last meal until dinner. I was VERY hungry (probably from not snacking the night before), so I was tempted to just wolf it down. But I also wanted to savor each bite. It was bittersweet: reflecting on what this might be like for folks who are truly hungry. When they do get a meal, are they so joyful as they eat, or is there also a sense of sadness knowing that it could be their last meal for awhile? Kinda (though not really) like when you open the last Christmas present: obviously you're so happy to open it, but sad that the occasion will be over once you do.
- I've thought of you guys several times this morning and have resolved to try to pray when I do think of you. I know we're all doing some things that are stretching and challenging us. I pray God gives you strength and speaks to you in those times when you are uncomfortable, emotionally taxed, etc.
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