Last night was our 5th night on the floor. I can see the end in sight and I am very happy about it. For that reason I think this experiment has given me a glimpse of what it means to be poor or homeless, but I know my discomfort is only temporary. It is also just at night. I can sit down on a cushioned couch to read my book or even at a cushioned chair to eat my dinner. What must it feel like to always be seeking a temporary relief to the daily discomfort?

I think I am starting to adjust to the floor. Don't get me wrong. I don't like sleeping on the floor. I really miss my bed, but I don't seem to wake up as much as I used to through out the night. I have discovered 3, and only 3, positions that I can sleep in for an extended amount of time without it being a constant pain or an appendage falling asleep.

Even though I am getting a little used to sleeping on the floor, I don't look forward to it. In fact, I dread it. This had made me think what it must be like to not have a bed to look forward to in the evening. What I mean is that if I've had a bad day, or if I am sick, or if I want to remove myself form the world for a little while, I find my rest, my comfort, my relaxation in my bed. How then do you ever find true-rest, true-relaxation after a long, hard, tiring day if you don't have a bed to curl up in at night. What do you do when you are sick. Where do you go to escape from the push and pull and noise of the world, if you don't have a home or a bed? I don't think I realized how much I depend on my bed.

And one last bit of information. I knew my shoulders and hips would be sore from sleeping on the floor. But there is one part of my body that is sore that I never would have expected- my left ear. Yep. You read that correctly- my left ear. At first I was surprised by this because I am sleeping on a pillow. But then I realized why. Since it hurts my shoulder to bear the weight of my body, I am transferring more of my weight to my head and neck than I usually do. So my ear is getting a lot more pressure put on it than it is used to. Who knew?

Adam - Week 1, Day 5, 8:51 AM

Switched things up a bit yesterday. Sunday lunch is usually a pretty big ordeal for our family, and I tend eat my fill and beyond. So I opted to skip breakfast (which is usually pretty small and on-the-run for me on Sundays anyway) and dinner. I didn't really consider that between 1 PM yesterday at 6 PM today, I would only have one meal, which is a pretty long stretch.

That meant that I went to bed hungry last night, which was a humbling experience and helped me identify with folks for whom this is the norm. Interestingly, I didn't wake up quite so ravenous -- just my usual time-for-breakfast hunger -- but I did feel physically weak this morning. Even though I ate a lot at lunch yesterday and fairly big breakfast this morning, I'm still hungry right now. Even when I do eat, it's like I just can't get enough food to satisfy.

All this is to say, I'm FEELING it, you know?

I've also been thinking about what it would be like if I compounded this with all the other sacrifices our group is making, and what if THAT was my norm. If, in addition to being hungry, I had to sleep on a hard floor every night, I had no electricity, only could water for showers, and had to rely on the mercy of others to give me something to eat. This is reality for millions of people. The hunger alone takes a psychological toll -- I couldn't imagine what it would be like to live with ALL these things, with no hopeful end in sight. I take some comfort in knowing that I'M really still in control of my situation. I could eat if I wanted to. When it's time to eat, I know where the food is coming from and that it IS coming. I'm learning a great deal about dependence on God in my experiment, yet how self-dependent I still am.

Another thought... Do folks who are in desperate, extreme poverty even have the mental strength to pray and depend on God? How much of prayer IS in the mind, I wonder? How much does God really care if we are able to logically assemble words in our state of desperation?

KE--Day 4

I was thinking about our sleeping on the floor and how uncomfortable it is and how often I wake up. I should be tired, but I'm not. I don't really feel any different than I do when I sleep in the bed save for a few sore spots. I really feel that God is taking care of me and allowing me to fell rested. Now I know that my floor sleeping is inside and warm, but I still think that when you put yourself in a situation where you have eo depend on God you don't get let down.

Adam - Week 1, Day 4, 3:50 PM

This is going to sound very, very strange... but I'm actually starting to enjoy being hungry.

What's even stranger is that I can almost say that I have been enjoying being hungry more than I have enjoyed eating (ALMOST). What was once discomfort is becoming a source of strength. In my hunger, I used to pray that God would help not to grumble and just get me through to my next meal. More and more, the prayer is simply gratitude and awareness of the mysterious relationship that I have with Him. Weird, I know.

I really can't quite explain it, but today it's like I have been desiring hunger (and by extension, God) more than I have been desiring food. Am I a glutton for punishment (no pun intended)? I guess it's something akin to hearing a worship song that really "speaks" to you and helps you connect with the Lord, and then playing it over and and over again to relive that same experience. This hunger is playing out the same, yet altogether different way for me.

Speaking of music, the church service this morning was especially powerful for me. Try fasting and singing praise sometime, and you'll know what I mean. The words of the song take on a new, deeper meaning and really do serve to fill you up. For example....

"Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O ruler of all."

This is all well and good, but how does it connect with me identifying with the poor and “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"? Well, it seems, everything. I can honestly say I am having a LOT of Kingdom glimpses, even in my very small experiment of what it would be like to be truly hungry and seeking God in that hunger. I am discovering that if I ever were destitute, I literally could not make it without God, I literally COULD make it with Him.

If I think about it, that statement is just as true for me in my state of relative middle-class riches.

I literally cannot make it without God. I literally CAN make it with Him.

Adam - Week 1, Day 3, 11:12 PM

I gave myself a little break today. I served on a interview committee from 9:00 AM to 7:00 PM which was an intense day, and I would not have been able to do my job without some midday sustenance. I did, however, keep the no-snacking fast in place -- and that's almost been harder than skipping lunch. There are so many opportunities to reach out for a little bite throughout the day, especially at night, and I had no idea how much I do that. When I got home this evening, their were some really enticing things, like brownies, which were calling my name. I must admit, since I had given myself a reprieve at lunchtime, I thought, "well, why not have a little snack now? After all, aren't I taking this fast a little too far and just becoming legalistic? Can't I have a snack AND still pray?"

But I stood firm this time. Something I've been finding that's helped in moments like that is to think, "would I sell this opportunity to yearn for God in exchange for a brownie?" Of course not. I think that every hunger pang is a reminder to pray, in that moment, and redirect our desire for food as a dependence and yearning for God. It's not that the brownie is bad or sinful, but, at least for this week, it would be like me saying that I will receive greater fulfillment in a lump of calories than in a moment of communion with my loving Father.

Again, to try to identify with the TRULY hunger-stricken of the world, I know I'm not even close. But I do imagine that in their hunger, there must be times like these when all you can do is pray that God would sustain, whether there's food around or not. I imagine there is also the ebb and flow of grumbling, similar to what I've had.

I've also found that when I DO sit down to a meal in the past few days, saying grace takes on a whole new meaning. It really feels like I'm giving thanks throughout the entire meal, not just at the beginning.

KE Day 3

So sleeping on the floor is really not that bad. At least that's what I tell myself all day. Then I actually sleep on the floor and remember that sleeping on the floor stinks. But, to be honest, sleeping on the floor is not nearly as challenging to me as not watching TV or using the Internet for anything other than work.

I find myself looking for things to do. I'm actually kind of glad I had to work today (Saturday) because it gave me something to spend my day on. I think the constant silence and isolation that many homeless suffer makes any sort of desperation or hopelessness infinitely worse becasue there's nothing else to focus on. I can see why so many turn to drugs and alcohol as an escape. Dulling the mind to not have to think is a much better alternative than constantly thinking about your plight.

I'm reading a book right now about spiritual warfare called This Present Darkness and I'm moving through it pretty quickly considering it's my sole form on entertainment right now. Here's a tip: don't read a book about demons right before you go to bed on the floor. It will not help you get a better night's sleep.

I will say that I have prayed more than usual over the past few days. I pray mostly for my family. I think they are so caught up in the things of the world that they have lost their way and I'm not sure how to reach them. Most inquiries about church lead to defensive conversations and emails which defeat my purpose. I wander if they would do something similar to our Kingdom Experiment and unplug would they get out of the rut they are in?

KE Day 3

I hate the floor.

Confession Time

Just had a ...

... and feel kind of guilty about it.

Not sure that I established clear parameters for this fast.

Adam - Week 1, Day 2, 12:02 PM

Today's been a little harder than yesterday. Hunger pangs abound. I'm only abstaining from lunch and between-meal snacking, but it's amazing to me how dependent I am on those things to get me through a day. And not necessarily "dependent" in a good way.

The morning has been filled with more temptations as well. Temptations to "cheat" and have a snack, or to the temptation NOT to pray when a hunger pang strikes. It's not as automatic to pray as I would like it to be. Inner complaining is the first reflex, which I would like to see change.

I realize that what I'm doing is a spiritual discipline, and discipline, by its very definition, is not always something fun or instantly rewarding. Its rewards come in the long-run. In the short-run, discipline is hard and uncomfortable. I think I'm learning the necessity of prayer for survival, not prayer for warm fuzzy feelings.

The first phase for me has been mostly about my own junk and learning to depend on God, rather than food or anything else. I haven't had as much of the "this is how I can identify with the poor and people that are hungry" perspective yet, but praying that will change. One of the scriptures on my mind today has been Philippians 3:18-20

"For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."

The floor is hard.

The second night on the floor seemed a little harder- literally. So I know that our floors haven't gotten harder, so it has to be me that is different. I think that the bones/muscles in my shoulder and hips were already sore from night one, so I never hit the comfort level (liberal use of the word- comfort) of the first night. I started on my left, but that side was sore. So I flipped to my right, but that side hurt too. I spent a lot of last night on my back. Sorry Andy if I was snoring. So today my back is hurting- a direct correlation to back sleeping. The pain is not really intense. It is not like I have thrown back back out, but just a constant dull throb. A constant reminder that I didn't sleep in a bed last night.

I have resisted the temptation to complain to co-works as a way to receive sympathy and praise for my sacrifice. But the temptation to bring it up is there. Why? Clearly I want people to know what I am doing, but why. It is not to bring homelessness into the forefront of people's mind. It is to bring me into the forefront of people's mind. And that is not what God wants from me. I hope that this experiment teaches me to minimize myself so that He can be seen.

KE Day 2

I slept on the floor again last night as is the plan for the next week. I was pretty tired last night so I didn't have a hard time going to sleep, but staying asleep is a challenge. It's not bad, you just hurt more in your shoulders and hips. It makes me wonder if you become used to the pains and constant uncomfort if you have to. It once again makes me realize even more how easy we have it.

As far as not watching TV or using the Internet for anything other than school, I can say that I got my grad school done before the last minute which is pretty unusual. It was nice to turn in a project early and feel pretty good about it. Maybe there's something liberating about not watching TV. What if that was my norm? How much more would I get done? I didn't have a lot of down time yesterday because when I got home I went to exercise for the first time in a while. When I got home Kate and I had supper at the table, which we don't do very often when it's just us. I wonder if this is God's way of giving us a hint that the TV/computer is a little too important in our lives.

2 Things That Happen When You Fast

1. You pray more.

2. You drink a LOT more water.

KE Day 1

I slept on the floor last night. Well, I put down a pretty think sleeping bag and slept on top it with a couple of blankets and pillows. I'm a side sleeper, so sleeping on the floor is fairly uncomfortable for me because the hard floor jams my collarbone into my shoulder a bit. I never got cold. I never got wet. I never had to worry that someone was going to do something to me while I was asleep. Although, I will say that I felt somehow more vulnerable while I was on the floor. Our bedroom doesn't offer the safety of a panic room or anything like it, so I'm not sure where the feeling was coming from. Maybe just a small part of me was experiencing what a homeless person has to endure all the time multiplied by infinity.

I still slept pretty well. I woke up more than usual to switch sides, but I slept pretty well. The fact that I did sleep well reminded how much I am not poor. How much I don't know about being poor and have never known poverty. Perhaps by the end of this week I will truly thank God for the blessings He has bestowed on us instead of just paying Him lip service before a meal.

The other part of the experiment was to limit my consumption of electricity by only using my computer for graduate school work while I was at home. You see, I come home every afternoon and usually turn on the TV, even if it's to not watch it. I just like the noise. Each morning I get ready to an episode of The Office that I stream from Netflix, and I usually go to bed after watching an episode of something (right now it's Battlestar Galactica...go ahead and insert geek joke here). This morning was very quiet to me. I showered, shaved and ate breakfast in silence which I haven't done in a long time. It gave me more time to pray, which I can say I did pray more than an average morning, but I quickly found my mind wandering to other topics during my "prayer". If I gain anything from this experiment, I hope to gain a little more spiritual discipline.

This afternoon I'll come home and I won't watch TV. I won't check Facebook. I won't play Angry Birds. I won't watch The Office tonight. What will I do instead? Stay tuned.

I am not homeless, so I can not ever really know what it means to be homeless until I actually am homeless. My "starter" home is larger than the multi-family homes shared by most of the world's population. It has electricity and heated, running water. And I have decorated it with many beautiful, yet pointless, thing (some of which I change seasonally). I can't begin to understand what it means to be homeless.

When Adam brought this book to our Bible study we flipped through the pages of the activities. One of the activities we turned to was "sleep on the floor for a week". Immediately, I spoke without thinking- which happens way too often. Before I even realized it, the words "I am not doing that one" came pouring out of my mouth. That was the moment I realized that is exactly "the one" I needed to do.

I need to tell you just how much I love my bed. My husband and I purchased it together shortly before getting married and moving into our home. Now that I think about it, it might be the first thing we bought for our house. It is so big- the extra dollars for the king-size was totally worth it. And it is so comfortable. It has a pillow-top and in the winter we sleep under a down comforter. It is the one material possession my husband and I long for when we have traveled out west. You know that commercial of the couple that returns home from vacation and falls face down into their bed and begins mumbling things into the mattress like "I love you. I am so sorry. I'll never leave you again." Yeah, I've done that before with this bed.

So deciding to sleep on the floor was not a decision that I made willingly, but one I felt convicted to make.

In the week leading up to sleeping on the floor I thought about it occasionally, but usually that was with a feeling of "wow look how sacrificial I am giving up my bed for a week" or "want this be a cool conversation starter" when I tell my co-workers what I am doing.

Then last night as bible study when we were trying to decide which activity we would be doing, I proudly announced "I will be sleeping on the floor". As soon as I said it, I regretted the words coming out of my mouth. A week at the beach seems like such a short time, but a week sleeping on the floor seems like an eternity. So I start to think things like, well if it is just terrible I'll go get in my bed. And "I am definitely sleeping near a heating vent." And "well since we have hard-wood floors it is okay to put down a couple layers for padding." And boy did I pad it. My "floor-bed" was made up of 2 sleeping bags, 3 blankets, 3 bed pillows, and a small couch pillow (in case I needed to put something under my hip in the middle of the night.) I don't think that is exactly what the average homeless guy/gal is sleeping on.

But how was it? Well it was not as bad as I was dreading. And I was really dreading it. I couldn't shake that memory of the last youth lock-in I had chaperoned where I tossed and turn and slept a total of 2 hours. I vowed to try sleeping on our "floor/bed" one night, and if that went really bad then I would take a benadryll the next night. But it has only been one night. Ask me again on the 6th night. And I do this knowing that on the 8th night I will be back in my own bed. Perhaps I will be more grateful, but in time I fear that will wear off. Not to mention the fact that at any point in time in this experiment, I can just walk into my bedroom and curl up in my own bed.

You see... I am not homeless, and I can not ever really know what it means to be homeless until I am homeless.

Adam - Week 1, Day 1, 9:00 AM

My first experiment is a sort of a mini-fast. I'm going to fast from lunch and between-meal snacking for the week (i.e. I only eat breakfast and dinner). Started last night after Bible study. I've fasted before, but every time I've done it, I seem to learn something new. I'm not that far into this one, and already I've learned a few things:

• Even just yesterday evening (mere hours after I had begun) I was finding the anticipation of being hungry was almost as worrisome and uncomfortable as being hungry in and of itself. I wasn't even that hungry yet, but was being worried about when I would be! Already I can see the psychological grip that food must have on me.
• Breakfast this morning was a couple fried egg whites and toast. Traci (God bless her) has been fixing me breakfast as of late, along with Pierson's. I must confess (don't be mad, Traci!) that this morning when she brought me the plate, there was a small voice inside of me that said "that's it? I'm about to start my fast -- I've got to have a BIG meal to get me through the day!" How selfish. This is one of those feelings of entitlement I was talking about last night that must be buried in my subconscious. Fortunately, a half-second later I was convicted, turned this into a prayer, and tried to take the high-road of thankfulness instead. How blessed to even have food to eat, especially high-protein and high-fiber and filling -- again, something that homeless folks may not have a choice in.
• Another weird sensation was knowing that this would be my last meal until dinner. I was VERY hungry (probably from not snacking the night before), so I was tempted to just wolf it down. But I also wanted to savor each bite. It was bittersweet: reflecting on what this might be like for folks who are truly hungry. When they do get a meal, are they so joyful as they eat, or is there also a sense of sadness knowing that it could be their last meal for awhile? Kinda (though not really) like when you open the last Christmas present: obviously you're so happy to open it, but sad that the occasion will be over once you do.
• I've thought of you guys several times this morning and have resolved to try to pray when I do think of you. I know we're all doing some things that are stretching and challenging us. I pray God gives you strength and speaks to you in those times when you are uncomfortable, emotionally taxed, etc.